We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of becoming the perfect lover.Tom Robbins
On a recent Tuesday in the desert, I stopped by Billy Reed’s after work to pick up a Cesar salad topped with grilled salmon to go. It’s one of my favorites. I drool all the way to Billy Reeds thinking about it. Yes, it’s that good. Almost as good as the Diane Salad at Green Street in Pasadena.
As I was waiting for my order, an older woman passed me by and said “ You’re so beautiful!”
I smiled and thanked her. She then disappeared around the corner kinda like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.
I peered around the corner to see where she had gone.
I saw another older woman sitting at the end of the bar swirling her cocktail with a small plastic straw chinking the ice cubes together. She smiled at me and motioned with her hand to come to the bar.
Just like Alice, I followed the white rabbit. I took a seat at the bar. The older woman chinking her ice was sitting next to an older gentleman. They were holding hands under the bar. They both smiled at me as I sat and placed my order for a ‘jack and coke.’
Soon “Elizabeth” the woman who complimented me on my beauty, sat next to me.
“I just broke up with my boyfriend!” Elizabeth forlornly belted out as she ordered a merlot.
“Which one? Jesus the Gardner? The golfer ? Or that other guy?” The bartender answered Elizabeth as he poured her merlot.
“How old was your boyfriend?” I asked Elizabeth.
“Eighty-Five!” She sighed again sipping her merlot.
“He knows them all.” Elizabeth looked and me and said “He’s like my therapist aka dating coach.”
“Why’d you break up with him?” I just had to ask the question. Inquiring minds want to know.
“He talked about his dead wife all the time. He’d been married for 60 years and she left the planet 3 years ago. But, he really didn’t know what to do!” She added.
Elizabeth continued to say that her boyfriend didn’t know how to kiss her. And sex was just boring with him. He really didn’t know what to do in the bedroom. Another reason Elizabeth added to her reasons for the “break-up” was that he was much too busy for her since he still worked at his business even though he was 86 years old.
“I’m looking for ‘True Love!” Elizabeth added.
“Like in the movie “The Princess Bride?” I asked.
The couple on the other side of the bar chimed in.
“Dating is not like what it use to be.” the gentleman at the bar gave me a Frank Sinatra smile and told the bartender to pour me another drink.
“Men these days don’t know how to treat a lady !”he added. The lady chinking the ice next to him smirked.
True, I added. The problems of an 85 year old man are no different than the guys I have been dating in their 40’s and 50’s.
Too busy. Talk to much about the X. Don’t know what to do in bed. And I probably can add “Too much porn” to that list. And perhaps alcoholism and too much weed.
The man who bought me a drink continued to talk about Sinatra. We chatted about old Palm Springs and what dating use to be like “old school!”
Elizabeth also told me she was 75, had 3 children and had been divorced for 30 years. She enjoyed living in the desert with her cats. She’s an avid dater and won’t give up until she finds “true-love!”
I chuckled and said “ you probably have to become true love first or the best lover before you can find it!”
Elizabeth scoffed and said… “Honey… I could probably teach you something!” Then she bid us all farewell and left the bar.
The waitress delivered my Cesar salad. I thanked the gentleman at the bar and his lady friend for buying me a drink and wished them all a good night.
On the drive home I couldn’t help but wonder if I had entered some type of alternate reality. A portal of some sort? Like was Elizabeth really me in the future? Do I continue to have the same problems with men when I’m 75? Does true love really exist?
Hopefully not!” I’m on a mission to stop my quantum loop. I’m breaking the bad habits . Shifting the programming in my subconscious.
One thing is for sure. People are still having sex well into their 80’s. That’s a good thing. No wonder the STI rate is super high in the desert as it is in the retirement communities around Florida.
Word to the wise: wear a condom! 👠
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