How Did I Get Here?
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife/ husband
And you may ask yourself well how did I get here?
And you may tell yourself “ This is not my beautiful wife. This is not my beautiful house.
David Byrne Talking Heads Once In A Life Time
I remember sitting in a bar sipping a sour beer a few years ago. Across from me was a guy I was dating. He suddenly started to sputter “ I thought I wanted a ranch style home with a pool. I though I wanted a wife. “
I looked at him confused. I suddenly felt like I was thrust into a “Talking Heads” video. The one where David Byrne looks bewildered. He’s sweating. He can’t keep his balance.
I kinda felt like singing the chorus “ Letting the days go by. Let the water hold me down” but I didn’t. Instead I asked “what are you talking about?”
He suddenly looked at me as if he had snapped out of a tumultuous nightmare. It seemed as if he had just traveled somewhere else. He was briefly lost in a memory of his past. Living in his ranch style home with a beautiful view of the city, with an abusive wife.
He wondered out loud “I don’t know how I got here” I politely reminded him we were on a date. We were drinking beer in a bar. All was well.
Time Travel
Maybe you can say this guy was a time-traveler ( listen to The Nurses and Hypochondriacs episode Time Travel https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-nurses-and-hypochondriacs-podcast/id1289699422?i=1000583052243… It’s Real Now) of sorts. I really think he was suffering from severe stress and PTSD which at times can mimic time travel.
It’s interesting how the subconscious mind works. How trauma can be stored in the brain and how sometimes you tend to disassociate from reality and go back to that space.
The scenery in your current reality suddenly changes and you’re back in that space reliving that traumatic event. For this guy, the event was his abusive wife, purchasing and restoring a ranch style home with a magnificent view, and working 17 hour days to build a business.
In a sense, he was going back in time and reliving this trauma. When he would snap back into the current reality, he pretended like nothing happened.
PTSD
The definition to PTSD is a disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering from a traumatic event.
Many men that I have dated recently freshly out of long term marriages in my opinion are suffering from PTSD.
Their behaviors are incredibly odd. They are definitely not self aware. And they are rude.
They are rude because they are angry. That anger will slowly creep up and rear it’s ugly head.
These guys are the ones who woke up one day and the Talking Heads song “Once in a lifetime “ started to play in their heads.
They question the decisions they’ve made which have landed them in this timeline. Overworked. Overwhelmed. Trapped. And Of course feeling undervalued.
Why did they choose this reality? Were they making conscious decisions? Or were they making unconscious decisions based on their subconscious programming.
Did they really want to marry that person they chose? Did they settle due to societal pressures? Were they merely trying to keep up with the Jones’s?
Once you wake up from the nightmare it can be jarring. It’s like a clone breaking free from its computerized program and becoming sentient. That can be dangerous in a world full of temptations.
You may find yourself in seedy strip clubs. The bumble bots are no longer catering to your needs. You think the only’s fans gal you subscribe to is your make believe fill in the blank. Now you can’t stop watching porn day and night.
You’re stuck in a sewer your mind has created. It’s that place that your dark side lives and thrives. It’s dirty and sometimes smelly.
Your mind is now a prison so contorted not even Piranassi could get himself out of. You’re stuck in a loop that your subconscious has created. The trauma keeps showing up when you least expect it. It starts to take over your world.
How do you get out. How do you exit the loop? How do you wake up from the nightmare?
To be continued
notoriouslysinglegirl 
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