Fashion, Food, Fun And Dating

Why Do Old Flings Always Come Back? A Notoriouslysinglegirls POV

Isn’t that how falling in love so often works? Some stranger appears out of nowhere and becomes a fixed star in your universe.

-Kate Bolick, Spinster: Making aLife of Ones Own
The Philadelphia Story

Dear Notoriouslysinglegirl.

There’s something that’s been troubling me. It’s incredibly irritating. And downright annoying! But, why do old boyfriends ALWAYS come back?

I mean it happens quite often. The guy will tell me he’s “Emotionally Unavailable “ or some other type of lame excuse… Or they’ll just pull a disappearing act and then you get a text several random months later that says “ I’ve been thinking about you.”

And just like a drug, you’re sucked back in again.

So, tell me why this happens?

Sincerely… No Regrets

Dear No Regrets

As long as nothing happens between them the memory is cursed with what hasn’t happened

Marguerite Duras, Blue Eyes, Black Hair

Yes this is annoying. It happens to me quite often. In fact, almost 99 % of all the men I’ve either broken up with or they’ve broken up with me or they’ve ghosted me, always comes back.

I remember growing up we had a cat named “Spotty.” He was an outdoor orange cat with many white spots. We never got him fixed so every few months he’d take off on what my mother would call a “Roman Holiday,” but he’d always comeback.

Poor Spotty. He’d always come back majorly fucked up. He was dirty, thin, and full of scratches. He looked as if he joined a cat “Fight Club” or something. I remember my mother yelling at him and interrogating him “Where have you been? Back again? What’ve you been doing?”

My father would always say… “ There she goes again, screaming at the cats!”

The poor cat just would meow at her. He’d looked down as she was screaming at him as if he felt bad for leaving. He really had no good reason for leaving other than he wanted to explore the outside world and possibly take part in mating season.

But when Spotty was back, he was as sweet as can be. He played with us and cuddled with us. Until, he once again heard the call to leave and go on another adventure. We knew he’d be back until several years later he stopped coming back and we figured he was dead.

It’s annoying. If you’re single you just don’t know what to do with these types. They’ll tell you they are ready for a serious relationship until both of you are sitting watching a Beyoncé movie. He decides that having a relationship is difficult . He’s out the door again. And returns several months later.

I asked my young cousin “Mikey” why men always go back, and he said it’s because they have no other options. And they’ll go back to something or someone they’ve had in the past just because.

It’s an annoying yo-yo phenomenon. I’ve taken a few of these guys back. But an important thing I’ve started to ask myself when they return is:

What in me energetically is making this guy come back?

We are all atoms made up of energy. We attract and repel people based on our frequency.

So what’s going on in your life that this person is coming back?

A few tips to consider:

-Are you feeling needy or lonely?

If you are and this person somehow broke your heart, please keep that in mind if you decide to speak to them again.

-Are you working on some type of project where that person can offer you a service ?

This has happened to me and those guys came back at the right time to help me out with something.

-Are you experiencing some type of past trauma that this person can help you heal?

Looking at yourself internally this way totally helps. Examine any triggers this guy brings up and why? Just ask yourself the question before going to bed “ Why is this person back in my life?” And I assure you in the morning you’ll have the answer.

I’ve asked these guys why they come back and many of them say it’s because we’ve had great conversations. I’m a great listener and I’m constantly working on conversation skills as well as healing traumas through various techniques.

This is tough to do.

I offer one on one consultations if you’d like more tips on how to help stop this phenomenon.

Please email:

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