Can L-O-V-E Really Be ‘Unconditional?’
It is an amazing extraordinary thing when you can meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are.Edward Cullen, Twilight
I’m a little late in the game. I just watched the first ‘Twilight’ movie. You know that one about the vampire and the human girl claiming their love to be ‘unconditional.’
Well, I’m only 13 years late. But, the movie never resonated with me. I never could get passed the beginning. I just thought it was being marketed to young teen girls who were picking teams. I’d see my young teenage patients wearing t-shirts with ‘team Edward’ and ‘team Jacob,’ I never really knew what they meant.
Why did I watch the movie now?
I’ve been curious about unconditional love or ‘true love’ lately. Ever since I sat at the bar at Billy Reeds in Palm Springs where a woman in her 70’s told me she was still looking for ‘true love.’ Well, I guess I’ve been on the journey myself for quite sometime.
Does true LOVE ie Unconditional LOVE really exist?
The protagonist’Bella Swan’ meets the vampire Edward Cullen. They are magnetically drawn together. She wants him. He wants her blood at first. But then he just wants her. And tries to resist the scent of her blood which drives him crazy. He tells her he feels an obligation to protect her and to always be by her side. Sounds kinda co-dependent until you realize Bella is constantly threatened with her life due the the multiple vampires around her, and Edward becomes her protector.
Edward can read peoples minds. Although, he can’t read Bella’s. I love it when he says “ I can’t read your mind so you have to tell me what you’re thinking.”
Isn’t that true! I love that. And we in the dating world should all use that line. It would make things a whole lot easier in the world!
Bella tells herself that she “loves Edward unconditionally” even after his family tries to suck her blood.
Bella has prolific dreams of Edward. She’s clutching a copy of R&J Romeo and Juliet. They hold hands in class while there’s a discussion going on about R&J succumbing to their death due to ‘unconditional love.’
Fun fact: I played the ‘nurse’ in my high school play of R&J. I know. It’s so cliché because I actually became a nurse in real life.
Back in the dating saddle again, I hear so many stories from men who had been married for a long time. They are sad stories. I’m kinda like Edward and can read minds or energy. I can see and feel the heart break when I hear these stories. It’s sad. But what’s going on in these relationships? Why do people have 2,3, and 4 children and then decide to divorce?
I once went out on a date with someone who had 6 children and decided he needed his freedom after 20 years of marriage. She got the house and the kids. He got to live with his parents. That’s not really freedom. That’s going back to adolescence. That’s just my opinion.
But what’s really happening in these so called relationships. These marriages?
Answer: people are dating and living unconsciously.
Many times we date from our ‘subconscious’ programming. We’ll fall in love with a guy or girl that resembles our mother or father. We keep falling in love with that one guy or girl we wanted in high school but the love was unrequited. And like a weird samsara program, the story keeps repeating in our external reality. We keep meeting the same dysfunctional people who don’t love us back. But we try to make it work. And some people have multiple children before they gain consciousness and break the cycle. Or they just chose to go back to adolescence and live with their parents, because that’s where the ‘trauma’ lives.
So, what is unconditional love?
No, it’s not staying in an abusive relationship for an eternity. That’s torture and probably some past life karma you are recreating. And no, it’s not staying in a marriage until your children reach adulthood. Those are all ‘conditional.’
Unconditional love is looking at your ‘triggers’ and understanding that they are yours and it’s your job to figure them out. It’s not your mates. You can’t change your partner . You can only change yourself.
Unconditional love is being there for your partner and holding space when they are going through a tough time. Understanding their true inner worth and pointing out to them their strengths. Being able to sit with ‘Cobra Kai’ after he gets the shit kicked out him by Ralph Machio, holding his hand in a safe space and saying “tell me what happened. “
And like Edward says in the quote above “unconditional love is really when someone can just sit with you and let you bare your soul and accept you for who you are.”
This is not easy. In fact, in modern day society it’s almost impossible.
The secret is you must first accept yourself. You must first accept all your own flaws before you are ready to accept that other person’s flaws. You must first love yourself unconditionally.
Easier said than done.
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