Fashion, Food, Fun And Dating

Why My Mother Would Make An Excellent Dating Coach

When I was just a little girl

I asked my mother what will I be

Will I be pretty

Will I be rich

Here’s what she said to me

Que sera sera

What ever will be will be

The futures not ours to see

Que sera sera

-Doris Day

The other day, at our family vacation home in Palm Springs, I witnessed something my mother did that would make her an excellent dating coach. It was a phenomenon I like to call “genius.”

It was a Wednesday. That’s our neighborhood trash day. That’s when you walk down the streets in Mountain Gate and you see everyone’s “garbage.” Some trash cans are overflowing with foul smelling shit. Others are being picked at by a murder of crows that live in the neighborhood.

The trash truck guys pass around our house around noon. That’s when everyone brings their trash cans back in their garage. And just as my mother walked to the curb to retrieve her brown plastic bin on wheels that’s when I heard her scream “ Who the fuck’s trash is this!”

I went outside to see what was going on.

“I said who the fucks trash is this?” Mother repeated in her broken English and southern Italian accent.

She was yelling at the construction workers working across the street. Apparently one of them had dumped their trash from their lunch into my moms brown bin.

“Huh… which of you did it?” She continued to scream. The construction workers all looked mortified. They were looking at her as if she held riffle and they were the deers caught in the headlights.

“I know it was one of you guys because you just ate your lunch. And it’s a bag of lunch trash!” She screamed at the guys.

“Yes, sorry it was one of us.” Said the boss of the construction guys as he took the bag of lunch trash from her. He was smiling.

“Well, I’m gonna come and see what you guys are doing in here!” She says as she just walks into the new neighbors house. She doesn’t even know the new neighbors, but was good friends with the one that just sold the house.

Lesson: my mother has a huge issues with people crossing her boundaries . When my brother and I were kids our home looked like an Italian museum. If there were crumbs on the floor after she cleaned the floor she would start screaming. She’d just go bat shit crazy. Like she was unconscious or something. Of course we were terrified. But my brother and I soon learned a magic trick that would “snap” her out of her tornado of anger. We called her “ Lina,” that’s her name. She would suddenly stop yelling at us. So from then on anytime my mother would shift into this crazy fanatical clean freak instead of calling her “mom” we’d just call her by her “Lina,” It left her speechless.

Though my mother hates to have her boundaries crossed, she has no trouble crossing other peoples boundaries, which has always been a problem.

Well… she just celebrated her 50th wedding anniversary. The reason she’d make a great dating coach is because she doesn’t accept anybody’s shit or anybody’s garbage for that matter! She’ll make you claim it!

My Parents and cousins on their wedding day

And to anyone out there in the dating world the lesson is if someone is throwing you their garbage ie bullshit… don’t be afraid to call them out on it!

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