Thank You Tinder, For Releasing Me From My Purgatory
Purgatory is the place in which the human spirit “purges” himself and climbing to heaven makes himself worthy.
-Dante Alighieri Purgatorio, Divine Comedia
I got thrown off Tinder. No, I didn’t share dick pic’s, solicit anything illegal or whatever else.
Perhaps my only “tinder” crime was sharing my blog and podcast which I have been doing for 5 years now since the evil demons from Silicon Valley released tinder into the dating underworld of the internet.
Sure, I’ve been accused by some guys (or maybe they were bots? Several of them were soulless ) as just being there in tinder purgatory, for my blog… though that’s not entirely true. I really was there to meet a potential life partner…
But this was not easy. I guess I can relate tinder to the salton sea. If you’ve ever been to the Salton Sea in California, it has its own true beauty in the middle of the desert that reeks of sulfur with shores buried in dead fish bones.
Tinder is full of dead poetry . Perhaps very much like Dante’s Purgatory people are given “the freedom to do exactly as one pleases because ones will can no longer err.”
But tinder doesn’t share that same beauty… only the stench and the eerie fish bone graveyard.
Makes a lot of sense if you consider all the dick pic’s, lewd conversation and love bombing that goes on. It’s a narcissists paradise. And truly a place where people can purge their evil demons, or at least work them out.
A spouse no longer exists to mirror back to them their faults and insecurities. Or maybe there is one and they are kept buried like a dogs old bone in some unforsaken place.
Quite frankly, I was sick and tired of the “back to the future” guys. The ones that say “I’ve never done this before. It’s been 20 years since I’ve dated and I’ve been trapped in a loveless marriage.
No woman wants to be a “starter” date.
Or the ones that say I married my wife because she was like my mother. I wanted that picture perfect family. I got it and my wife was ultra religious and super boring . Now I just want to have pornographic hard core sex.
The countless stories I’ve heard through the years in my “purgatory” of all the sad excuses men gave for staying with partners who they secretly loathed but now have to pay for because their female counterparts never had a job and just sat home and took care of the kids.
It’s sad and very well known that men rarely seek the counsel of a therapist. Men are the most likely to commit suicide and those numbers are rising.
I’ve been that therapist to many of these men I encountered in “purgatory.” At times, it was enlightening. Others it was sad and boring. I swear I must of have been a priest in a past life because the confessions I heard were endless.
And perhaps just like Beatrice told Dante to write down everything that he saw and experienced in purgatory… that’s what I’ve been doing and which will potentially manifest into a book.
And maybe that’s why I’ve been thrown out of tinder purgatory… because it’s time to write that book of all my findings.
As for all those male suitors who have asked me if I want to be “notoriouslysinglegirl “ for eternity? The answer is : of course not! We are humans and meant to be partnered up. I value human connection. True human connection at a heart level. That was incredibly hard to find on tinder since so many men refused to connect in that fashion. It was mainly superficial. Kinda like eating fast food … satisfying with too many empty calories.
As I was telling my psychologist neighbor the other day “ I have a pretty amazing life!” Why would I want to compromise that with men who have not taken care of their own shit? Men who are dragging around angry women? Why should I have to deal with that? I don’t … I’m tired of being sucked into the never ending karmic loops that these men are so subconsciously hypnotized by and cannot break.
Yes, perhaps I’ve allowed myself to live in what Dante calls vis a vis where I’ve experienced a love of difference where I’ve been allowed to explore my self and be a conscious creator. And as I continue to climb my mountain into my personal heaven , I’m able to look back and smile at everything I’ve created through my own psyche that has turned into creative expression and art.
Many people are afraid of vis a vis because that’s where you come into contact with your dark side and you are judged. That’s where those demons lie that need to be exercised. It’s the shadow side that Carl Jung talks about. It’s the unknown side of the ego that has to be integrated into the self.
Not an easy journey. Not an easy path. But if Dante were alive today, I’m sure he’d agree with me that, it’s very gratifying once you’ve reached Paradiso .
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