This past weekend I attended two very different events with two very different groups of women.
At the first “Brunch” which was a professional meeting of sorts, the women were quiet and meek. I had brought a bottle of Champs, and made the first mimosa, no one followed. Then I suggested we all go around the table and introduce ourselves with a personal “Fun Fact!”
Many of the women hesitated. Some of the answers were a bit peculiar:
“I’m not fun!” replied one woman
“I have nothing to say!” exclaimed another.
“Oh, yes I took my kids to a baseball game last night. I promised them fireworks, but we left before they started!” and this one wins the mother of the year award.
I was beginning to question why I even woke up this morning and attended this function. I missed spin class to attend this brunch which is a big deal for me.
Obviously, these women were not my tribe. Our definitions of “Fun” were clearly different.
I try to incorporate “Fun” into my daily life. For example this morning I was washing the dishes and stopped as soon as I heard a great song on KCRW, and I started to dance until it was over! That’s simple “Fun!”
As the meeting continued we evaluated why group membership was down. The stats were in from a survey that was sent out. The consensus: A Lack of fun!
One of the women then quickly grabbed the bottle of Champs and made herself a mimosa and said: “I am fun!”
Several of the women followed, and we then toasted to fun!
But, as the meeting progressed and we talked about potential “fun” events, an older woman sat at the end of the table and scowled at all the ideas that were brought that were not hers! She particularly scowled at mine, and was whispering to the gal next to her every time I spoke.
I will admit my ideas are pretty creative and innovative: podcasts, twitter, and a dress for success panel with a wine social!
Jezebel published an article in 2013 titled “If Woman Are Catty Bitches, It’s not about gender. It’s about power! By Tracy Moore.
In the article a study was quoted and stated that: women are biologically programmed to perceive women who are younger, prettier or more desirable as potential threats. In order to diffuse this threatening rival, women tend to employ passive aggressive behaviors. So rather than lift a finger, a woman will wound her opponent with contemptuous glances, unkind words and petty remarks.
Energetically, this group of woman was draining. And clearly the older woman saw me as a threat!
My next women only event was a tea party, thrown by a woman I had only met once.
The party was whimsical and happy. My senses were electrified by all the colorful teapots, eccentric mismatched china plates, beautiful scones and delicious finger sandwiches.
The women at the party were interesting, and each had unique stories about themselves to share willingly. We all seemed to enjoy each other’s company, and the whole event was incredibly “Fun!”
There was no cattiness or pettiness. We all seemed to vibe in unison, and it was beautiful!
It’s taken many years of personal self-exploration to understand myself. And I get me.
But unfortunately not everyone does. And that’s really not my problem.
I have been around enough women to understand what I’m looking for in a tribe.
A Tribe is: any aggregate of people united by ties of descent from a common ancestor, community of customs and traditions, adherence to the same leaders, etc.
That’s what Webster’s on the internet says, but I truly believe there is more to it. Especially when you are trying to find the right tribe of women to hang with.
I came up with three important things you should share with your female tribe.
- The people in your group or tribe have to be willing to want to connect with you. They have to be open and wanting to share about themselves.
- As with any relationship sharing a common interest or goal is key.
- In order to really connect with your tribe you have to be having fun, and enjoy being there! That’s really the most important rule!
I’m sure not everyone that is part of an indigenous tribe gets along with each other, but their common goal and purpose of living together is based on survival.
At the moment I’m evaluating my purpose and place with the first group. It’s probably time to let them go. And if the second group were to have another tea party or gathering I would be happy to miss my spin classand chow down on scones with them any day!