I wanted to destroy everything beautiful I’d never haveTyler Durden, Fight Club
It’s an interesting phenomenon lately.
I recently dated a guy. He was like Disneyland. Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride to be exact.
He exuded testosterone. Everywhere we went, men gravitated towards him.
He took me on some grand adventures. We visited art galleries. Toured art shows. We ate amazing food. Drank cheap wine. We’d spend our evenings reading books to each other. We recited prose written from the depths and of our ethos. And hey he even took me camping twice.
And just like that, one day after a month of dating he disappeared. He stopped answering my text messages.
We had no fights. In fact we got along swimmingly well. He’d text daily “ Good Morning Beautiful, I’d like to see you!”
But of course there were red flags: the drinking excessive alcohol, the over spending, and several others.
I really wanted to get off the ride. But, it was hard you know, especially when you’re having loads of fun and of course the sex was off the chain.
But … it’s not the first time I get a guy like this… and then their personality switches and it’s as if nothing happened. Like it was all just a dream or something. It’s weird.
What do you think happened? What should I do and how can I avoid this in the future?
Only after disaster can we resurrectTyler Durden, Fight Club
I bet your exhausted.
Sounds like this guy was ‘manic’ as in bipolar manic or multiple personality manic.
Although the relationship sounds like a tornado of fun. But, you really can’t have too much chocolate cake cuz eventually it’ll give you diabetes.
And dating an alcoholic is a rollercoaster ride all in itself.
Sounds like you were dating Tyler Durden from the movie Fight Club.
Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen the movie: but Tyler Durden can be interpreted as having a double personality very much like Jekyl and Hyde.
Double points if he sold soap made out of fat from real people. Kidding … that’s really gross!
Perhaps you saw the “Fun Bobby” side of this guy. Remember “Fun Bobby” from FRIENDS. He was only fun when he was drinking.
Many people have multiple personalities ie alters and don’t even know it. I’ve dated several of these guys and personally I’ve started to call them out on their shit.
We often see the female protagonist “Marla” confused about Tyler’s personality shifts. I’m sure you felt the same way. Marla even does weird stuff like call Tyler in the middle of the day to perform a breast exam on her because she thinks she has a tumor. She does it to get his attention.
Sometimes these alters live on the dark side of the ego.
They are created through repressed traumas experienced in childhood and PTSD. Many times these people aren’t even aware that they switch personalities. It just becomes part of their ‘normal’ vibe. Although it’s really confusing for those of us dating these people. One minute you are treated as if you’re a queen and the next minute you are discarded. It’s narcissistic and down right sociopathic. and of course it hurts your heart.
You diverted the “dark side” of this guy’s personality. Who knows how dangerous he could have become. Normal emotionally mature people just don’t do that.
I’m sorry this happened to you! Yes, you saw the red flags. You could have stopped dating this guy, but you would have missed out on the experience. Getting into a long term relationship with an alcoholic is no joke!
Grieving this relationship is important to moving on. Admire the fun memories. And if he comes back, just politely say these type of relationships no longer serve you. You already know how it will end.