“Hello, thank for swiping right and “Liking” my picture. I’m new to online dating. I really don’t get this? I just got out of a relationship.”
Some Dude On Tinder
It’s true. I’m a veteran online dater. I’ve been dating online since 2003. The first site that I went on was called “MATCH.” It’s logo was a match stick.
It was fun, interesting, and intimidating. I met great guys, and not so great guys. I made friends and a few enemies. But that was way before the iPhone and social media era.
The sad thing about dating: the old school ways of just striking up a conversation between two human beings in the “REAL” world is non existent. People do not share eye contact, and rarely do people greet each other with smiles and hello’s. Society has led us to believe the only way to meet someone… is through online dating.
This blog is for the NEWBIEs: those of you just out of a relationship, who have been in a coma for the last 10 years, and those of you who are curious …. And I’m just going to makeup some rules of etiquette to remember :
- DON’T: Stalk the person on all their social media sites and friend them before meeting . Yes, we are living in a world where our lives are like one big reality show. But its a bit creepy when someone friends you on FB, starts to IM you, and follow you on instagram before you even attempting a meeting in person. The romance, nuances, and surprises are gone. I know everything about you, I’m bored, next!
2. DO: text set up a date with in the next 2-3 days in a safe, neutral location. Not your house, your car, or where you work.
3. DON’T : Ask the person why they are still single… It’s none of your business, and always an awkward question to answer. You are putting the person on the spot. If they knew why, then they wouldn’t be single…
4. DO: Try to date the person more than once before having sex with them.
5. DON’T: Complain about your last relationship, marriage, etc. Try to get to know the person first before talking about the past.
6. DO: Talk about yourself, stuff you are passionate about and hobbies. Other good topics: movie, travel, exercise and personal wacky stories.
7. DON’T: If you are in sales…Please remember your date is not a “CLIENT.” Unless they are actually wanting to buy what you are selling, then you probably shouldn’t go into much detail. I’ve spent many dates listening to “SALES” guys sell me: aluminum siding, solar panels, and parts for computer engineering people. They spent 30 minutes to an hour going on and on. I get it, you’ve memorized a script. It’s stuck in your motor neurons. And when someone asks you about that place you spend 8 hours a day at, it just comes out. Like diarrhea of the mouth.
Thankfully there was good wine, so I listened, or if they were on the phone I was doing my laundry. Much like in my time share days, I didn’t purchase anything. Unfortunately, there was no free trip to Orlando’s Disneyland that came with the pitch… but really… SNOOZE.
8. DO: Be Genuine, Be yourself. If you don’t know how, maybe you shouldn’t date people, but instead date yourself. People who have been in relationships for many years, loose touch with themselves. They don’t know who they are. Their IDENTITY has been as a COUPLE. Being single is scary to them. It’s lonely. But dating yourself if FUN. Yes, at first its weird,awkward, and LONELY. But it get s better. Great ways to start: Take yourself out to dinner, go on a #selfiehike, or go to a concert. It’s amazing what happens. Warning: you might break down in tears, but that’s ok, just let the sad out!
9. DON’T :TALK ABOUT THE EX This is similar to #5. But if you keep talking about the ex, are angry, and mention his or her name in every sentence, then you are not over them. Go back to tip #8 or go see an exorcist/ shaman.
10. DO: Have fun with internet dating. Leave room for surprises and get to know that person NATURALLY, as naturally as possible…
And lastly, I challenge all of you reading this to say “Hello” to someone you encounter walking down the side walk, at Starbucks, or wherever.