That “ONE” True Love & Other Convos #30DaysofLove

By notoriouslysinglegirl, February 14, 2025

We love because it’s the only true adventure.

-Nikki Giovanni

Yesterday, at a funeral I learned that the deceased woman and her husband had only known each other for 3 weeks before they decided to get married which lasted for 60 years until death did them part.

“That doesn’t happen anymore!” Uttered the the High School Principal sitting at my table at the post funeral luncheon.

“No. It doesn’t. Today it’s known as “love bombing,” while in the late 60’s & 70’s it was “normal.”

“Seems like nobody gives people enough chances anymore” said the principal.

That was an interesting comment and a day earlier, I was having a similar conversation with my hairdresser about how we gave “men” too many chances. That was our error.

“You know, men do love bitches. They like women to be mean to them” my hairdresser remarked.

“It’s true. It’s called “vasopressin.”

It’s that hormone that promotes loyalty in men. It gives them that feeling of ‘connection’ it activates the brains reward system making men associate their partners with positive experiences. Vasopressin is all about stress and bonding. That’s why men LOVE bitches. Their aggressive nature, bitchiness and excessive demands ( money and other things) turns them on.”

All you have to do is grow up in an Italian household to see vasopressin in action.

My aunt in Milan is the QUEEN of vasopressin release. I mean, she should teach classes. I remember when my uncle was alive, she use to scream and berate him. My uncle would just sit there and take the beatings with a sly smile peaking through his lips. He was loving it and probably getting sexually aroused by all the screaming and all the vasopressin flooding his brain.

Unfortunately, this created some unhealthy dating habits for my male cousins.

I remember sitting in a Chinese restaurant in London with one of my cousins and in the middle of enjoying my Peking duck he bursts out and says “All I need is ONE woman. Just one!”

In actuality, he had many women. He would complain how his last girlfriend followed him from Spain to London. Their relationship was crazy and tumultuous. They fought constantly. But he’s the one who told her where he was. He set her up with a job and for awhile she was living in his flat.

“She’s a nice girl, but” he added.

“But your relationship is toxic just like your parents relationship and you LOVE it cuz your on a vasopressin high!”

My cousins female friends would gush about how much of a ladies man he was. It’s true he is incredibly charming and super fun. In Milan he once worked for a modeling agency and we would go out at midnight and dance on top of bars ( me wearing 8 inch stiletto boots) until 6am. I still remember him driving me through the places where all the prostitutes hung out. Both male, female and everything in between. Who can forget being flashed by a large bare breasted woman. But hey, that was Milan in the early 2000’s.

My cousin is actually the only person in the world that shares my same laugh.

After his outburst, he sat there for a moment and stared at me. I think I just thwarted his crazy vasopressin toxic love loop. Something snapped him awake and made him conscious.

I’m happy to say that almost 10 years later from that conversation, my cousin did find someone to settle down with and he’s now an incredibly happy and fun dad to his beautiful blue eyed toddler son.

You’re So Beautiful

A woman came up to me at the end of the funeral and said “You’re so beautiful.” I smiled and thanked her.

I then turned to my mother and asked her who the woman was.

“That’s Joann. She lives in Yorba Linda.”

“Omg. I think I dated her son like 10 years ago. I remember he was a car salesman and took me to the Clippers game ‘almost’ court side. “ I said as I looked in my phone and found that I still had that guy’s number. I then texted him and said “I just saw your mother she said I was beautiful.Hope your well.”

He then texted back “where did you see my mother?”

Apparently, Joann was not his mother but a family friend. The guy then asked who died ( typical Italian) and then informed me that he remodeled his mothers home and made it nice and comfortable for her and that he was now her caretaker.

See, vasopressin in action right there. The guy is “taking care” of his mother. He remodeled her home and made her comfortable. The mother further helps him to secrete his vasopressin to make him feel bonded to her. He probably feels needed and wanted. It’s very King Leer and perhaps Freud would categorize this as the Oedipus complex.

I’m sure there’s lots of stress going on in that relationship making him feel needed and wanted. Keeping him stuck to his mother where he probably feels comfortable and safe.

Looking back, I actually think that he called his mother while we were at the Clippers game. He called to tell her about me since we figured out that our parents knew each other.

I don’t remember what was really going on with this guy at the time. I think he either just went through a divorce or a break up and I believe his father had passed away. Whatever it was, he was definitely going through a midlife crisis.

E Mammoni

It’s typical in Italian culture for single Italian men to live with their moms. They are called “Mammoni.” And I’m sure those Italian moms, just like my aunt with her husband, are keeping these poor men unconsciously bonded by screaming at them, keeping the vasopressin flowing as well as dopamine.

It Starts Young

Another cousin of mine has already unconsciously trained her 4 yr old son into dopamine/ vasopressin addiction.

“He doesn’t listen and always makes me mad.” She texted me one day after sending me a video where I could see the kid totally getting excited when my cousin, his mom, started to scream at him.

“Yes because you are giving him a hit of dopamine when you scream at him. You’re giving him a high. It makes him feel “good!’ His neurotransmitters are literally getting programmed. So, he keeps repeating the behavior because he knows you’re going to scream at him and it keeps him getting a rush of dopamine. It’s like how Pavlov taught his dog to salivate just by ringing a bell.

Any full blooded Italian will tell you that growing up with parents screaming and yelling was just a normal thing. It’s all part of the culture and how men stay bonded to their mothers.

So, you just tend to become numb to aggressive people. It’s like your under some kind of sleeping beauty trance taking shit from people until one day you wake up and shift the narrative.

Dating is Different

It’s true DATING is much different today than it was in the 1970s.There’s porn, Onlys, Fans, dating apps, sports, social media, legal marijuana , substances and if your Italian, screaming mothers, to keep people addicted.

Who’s your Valentine?

When my cousin who lives in Mexico City asked me this morning “who’s your Valentine?”I told him it was “ME!” And then I jokingly shared the story of the guy I texted yesterday.

“You know, I really can’t compete with an Italian mother”

He sent me back laughing emojis, followed by “so true!”