“It’s raining in Burbank, and our stats show that more people log onto ‘OK Cupid when it rains. So log on!” That was a message that I found in my junk email box a few nights ago when it finally began to rain in Southern California.
Though, I wasn’t in “Burbank” at the time I got this email, and it wasn’t raining where I was, I still drank the ‘Ok Cupid’ advertising cool aide and uploaded a picture with a brief profile.
Going back online to find a “date” for me is like the scene in Godfather part three where Michael Corleone says ‘ just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”
Once upon a time I was a serial Internet dater. During graduate school, in between studying for exams, doing my clinical internships, and of course working, I was going on one or two Internet dates nightly. My catch phrase at the time was “Girls Gotta Eat!” and yes eating is what I did! Dinner dates galore! Of course this was all pre 2008 when Internet dating was very much a nuance and guys had money to spend on dinner.
I guess you can say I was one of the pioneers of internet dating: I was cat fished several times, I think stood up once, and started my storytelling career with all my wacky dating stories told to my co workers. About 2 years ago, I just got tired and frustrated and vowed to never hit the internet dating scene again!
Sure there is tinder, and several friends have encouraged me to try it. Unfortunately, my phone is outdated and I’m unable to load the app. But there is always OKC! A free site where every self- proclaimed single person is perusing for a date, a fling, and something to do besides watch Netflix!
One thing that I do have to say to the men of OKC is that they need to use “moisturizer!” I’ve never seen so many wrinkled men in my life! I’m not sure if men are aware that, yes they too can age and have wrinkled skin. Moisturizer is key!
The forty-eight hours that I have spent on the site have been interesting nonetheless. I have gotten many men calling me “Sexy!” “Well, I’d rather be called sexy than pretty!” remarked my best friend when we were discussing the word “Sexy.” Urban dictionary defines “Sexy” as: Supposed to mean sexually attractive, however recently it has become a word of ambiguous meaning that morons use when unable to think of a better adjective for something they like. Personally, I think it’s odd when a person whom I’ve never met in person, automatically calls me sexy. I usually give them the “red” penalty card!
Another interesting offer that I have been getting is men asking if I liked and wanted a massage? I checked the site thoroughly and didn’t see that this was a new service that OKC was offering? And maybe several of the men on OKC have confused the site with massage Envy? A massage was not what I was looking for when I clicked onto to the site! I have a perfectly good masseuse and I’m sure if I left him for an OKC massage he would be deeply offended.
One guy thought I was into martial arts, while another wanted me to pay him a house visit and take care of his sprained ankle. I quoted him my house call price and he politely declined and said I was too expensive! Hey, if I can’t get a date, I might as well work and make money!
I had the opportunity to speak to two men on the phone, one wanted to come to my home in his pajamas to “cuddle.” He also did share with me that if I ever became sick with a cold, he could not come over to visit me. Typical, after all I did write a show called “The Nurse and The Hypochondriacs!”
The other guy I spoke to thought I was Jewish (I know, it’s my nose!). He became deeply offended when he found out that I was not. After brief conversation while he shopped at CVS for some medication, and after I declined a “coffee date” with him, he sent me a text message stating:” We are not a match! You are too dominate!” I actually took that as a complement!
Alas, my profile is still lingering on OKC amongst the wrinkled men and those who take “Selfies” in their cars and bathrooms. I must admit it is entertaining! But, if I had a time machine, I would go back to ninety’s: where men actually asked women out on dates in person, cell phones were to large too fit in your pocket, and there was no “Sons of Anarchy!” Dating and life was simple then!