Please Stop Over Analyzing Sex & the City

By notoriouslysinglegirl, April 2, 2025

The most exciting, challenging and significant love of all is loving yourself. And if you find someone to love the “YOU” you love, well that’s just fabulous,”

-Carrie Bradshaw

For some reason, there’s a strange trend of people (mainly women) over analyzing the show Sex and the City as well as it’s spin off “And Just Like That.” I’ve seen tons of TikTok’s. A few YouTube’s. And I’m sure somebody out there has written a doctoral dissertation on the subject matter.

However, I don’t quite understand why all these people put themselves in the seat of a psychoanalyst and over analyze the characters because they are NOT REAL PEOPLE! I’m sure people would like to BELIEVE that Carrie Bradshaw is a real person, but she’s not. She’s a character, an avatar created by a bunch of gay writers on a show produced by Darren Star a gay producer.

Sure, it makes for great social media content. And perhaps interesting idle chitchat with strangers. The reality of the matter is it’s all “FAKE!”

The S&S Revolution

“You need to watch Sex and the City. Your stories sound like Carrie Bradshaw’s. She’s the main character on the show” stated a female friend of mine when I started to dabble in internet dating after going through a divorce.

Sex and the City premiered on HBO in 1998 which originated from a newspaper column and book written by author Candace Bushnell. Rumor has it that Candace Bushnell wrote about the sexual escapades of her gay friends and passed them off as her own.

“The women on Sex and the City are really just a bunch of caddy gay men.” This is what the majority of my gay friends would say and with most of the writers being gay men, it’s true.

Women at the end of the 1990’s did not have relationships like the women on S&S. Gay men had those types of relationships where casual sex was just as normal as breathing. However, in reality gay men do not secrete “oxytocin,” the hormone which is responsible for bonding, in the same way a woman does.

Oxytocin the gateway drug to sex addiction

Oxytocin is a hormone stored in the pituitary gland and released into the bloodstream. It’s often called the love hormone since it’s a hormone that bonds females to their sexual partners and infants. Women release oxytocin during sex and breast feeding. Men release smaller amounts of oxytocin during sex and more during rest periods.

In a way, for women, oxytocin can be considered a “gateway drug” opening a portal into sex addiction or at least addiction to a partner. I guess you can say in someways, oxytocin can be compared to heroin. You get those highs when your having sex with your partner. You feel amazing as your brain is drowning in “love.” Bonus if your sexual partner cuddles and cooks for you. It ups the dose of the oxytocin flooding your brain keeping you hooked.

What happens when that partner pushes you away after sex? He’s not wanting to cuddle. He’s not wanting to bond. He’s probably automatically stopping the extra secretion of oxytocin to his brain and detaching from you on purpose. He’s perfected that art of just “sex” with no extra accoutrements.

Much like an addict addicted to a drug, you the female counterpart are now addicted to your male sexual partner because you’ve had a rush of oxytocin the love hormone to your brain. You feel amazing. However because the male partner pushed you away during that phase of bonding after sex, he’s not attached to you.

So, that leaves you craving another hit of oxytocin. You want to see this guy again even if he’s a bad person. And of course he’s ghosted you leaving you to deal with your oxytocin withdrawal all on your own.

If you’ve ever gone through oxytocin withdrawals after having sex with a man, you know it’s not pleasant. In fact, it can be quite painful both emotionally and physically.

This is what the fictional characters S&S and the producers of the show have created. A generation of women who haphazardly had sex with the wrong men and due to their body chemistry, got addicted.

Perhaps some women under the spell of “casual sex is cool” prophesied by the writers of the show got themselves trapped in unscrupulous situations: had a baby with someone who’s not fit to be a father, got themselves stuck with a hobo sexual who they are now supporting, or lost a tooth.

Big & Carrie

“What do you think about’Big?’ I always thought he and Carrie were mismatched. He’s so serious and even when he told Carrie ‘it was always you all along,’ he showed no emotion.

This was a conversation I was having with a shop owner at a local thrift store. Again, Big and Carrie are fictional characters. Big is modeled after a narcissistic psychopathic CEO in New York that Candace Bushnell once dated.

At some point on the show Big originally marries a social debutant named Natasha who seems to fit the role of the perfect girlfriend for the high powered CEO Big portrays. A sort of SEARS catalog PERFECT NPC family. She’s the PERFECT wife in his CEO world. Robotic and fake.

In reality, Big and Carrie would probably just have a one night stand. I mean they literally have nothing in common. She’s creative and fancy free. He’s a robotic NPC driving around NYC in a town car.

It always seemed like just when Carrie was over Big, just when she was living her life and loving herself fabulously, Big always seemed to pop up out of nowhere inside his town-car tempting her back inside for another hit of “fake” love. And just like a heroine addict, Carrie once again would get hooked programming women all over the world to do the same thing.

I guess you can compare this to when a guy you once dated happens to text you on holidays, like all your LinkedIn posts and every New Years Eve texts you at the stroke of midnight.

However, much like the character Big on S&S, this guy is too afraid to explore his inner Darth Vader ie the creative side lurking in his subconscious. He’s too afraid to confront his inner Minotaur. He’s too afraid to beat up the bullies in his life. He’s much more comfortable being an NPC living his SEARS catalog kinda life looping through the same people and mistakes.

That’s boring. Life is too short to live like that. And in the words of Ferris Bueller “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you can miss it.”

Women have been programmed

Much like a hypnotist putting you under a trance, the writers of S&S have subconsciously “programmed” women to date and act just like the fictional characters on S&S. It’s manipulation at it’s finest. And it made Manolo Blahnik and the luxury brand industry RICH!

Over analyzing S&S is literally paralysis. You are analyzing a fictional script not a REAL person. Unless you understand this concept and how the subconscious mind works, your TikTok’s and YouTube’s on the subject matter are useless.